The penultimate zombie-related hows and whys chain.

All the names listed here are purely fictional. Any similarities to real people's names are coincidental.


It's me again, Rufus Blanchard. After telling you why zombies are dumb, now I'm gonna tell you why foot soldiers use paintball guns, and not real firearms like AK-47, M4A1 or even the famous Pindad SS2 from Indonesia.

As you've known, zombies are really dumb, with exceptions of Dr. Zomboss and some of his test subjects like me. They'll do anything just to get brains, even if they need to do suicide missions. 

Foot soldiers, they're really dumb, and not even close to a soldier. You may even noticed that one of their shoes are missing. However, some of them have both of their shoes intact. They're not that dumb sometimes.

Let's go back to the topic. Did you know that the reason why they use paintball guns is because Zomboss forced them to do so? Well, I believe you didn't. If they don't use paintball guns, then they'll get less brains than those with paintball guns. Well, some of them refuse to use paintball guns, and as you may have guessed, they get less brains from Zomboss. If you're wondering why Zomboss prefers paintball guns for foot soldiers, then here's why.

When Zomboss lost in a battle with some homeowner, he got really mad, and decided to play some paintball somewhere near his R&D center with his friends. You know, he built all those Zombot but finally ended up losing, what a shame. He found out that those paintballs are not so effective, and therefore can be abused to force zombies use that gun. This is where he got the idea. If those paintball guns are used by all his military forces, they'll die much easier since their weapons are not so effective, therefore making plant-killing much harder, and if Zomboss uses those real firearms, he'll get even more brains since all those soldiers die just to get brains by using paintball guns, and he's the only zombie that uses real firearms, therefore making plant-killing easier for him.

Now, here's what he did:

  1. He warned all his soldiers two weeks before this rule's added that if they don't obey this rule, they'll get 2x less brains than usual. He didn't tell the rule to them, knowing that they'll be very mad if he told it.
  2. A week before this rule's added, he bought 18,000 paintball guns from various retailers. He spent so much cash for that.
  3. Three days before this rule's added, He gave some paintball guns to some of his soldiers for testing.
  4. When the rule's added, he forced every single soldiers to use the paintball guns. Well, not all of them use it, and even around 13% of them still use their firearms. They're probably not really dumb like other soldiers.

Who still use firearms? These.

  1. Camo Rangers. They use 7.62x51mm sniper rifles.
  2. Tank Commanders. They use modified and compacted 120mm tank cannons. Crazy, but that's what they use.
  3. Centurions. They're actually Zomboss's special-ops force. They use Flame Bolts, and they fire super-heated briquettes. Actually it's heated by using fuel mixed with methane.

If you're wondering why do they use those firearms, then here's why.

  1. They realised that those paintball guns aren't so effective, since Zomboss gave some of them paintball guns. Probably they tested it against some plants.
  2. Paintball guns are not for long-range shooting. Zomboss had some difficulties modifying it into sniper rifles, since it can't shoot over 1000m, which is the minimum standard for Camo Ranger sniper rifles.
  3. Paintballs are not explosives, and he couldn't find a way to modify the paintballs into explosive projectiles. This applies to Tank Commanders.
  4. Paintballs can't be heated, as attempting to do so will melt the paintball shell. This applies to Centurions.

Well, that's what I can explain now. And, if you're wondering how can I get these information, Zomboss told me about these. You know, Zomboss usually tells test subjects about what he'll do and what he's done.

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